


the sky's the limit

by awashleyno



Series: Buckley's Bouquets [2]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, eddie's pov of what happened in the last chapter, you ask.. i answer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:15:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25209058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awashleyno/pseuds/awashleyno
Summary: Buck’s gone.He left.Things had been going so well, they’d been sohappy, so close to one another, just like at Maddie and Chim’s wedding. Every time he feels like maybe,maybethey’re going to tip over the edge into something more, Buck runs away.Eddie doesn’t know why.Or,What went through Eddie's head when Buck ran away from him.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Buckley's Bouquets [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1826293
Comments: 26
Kudos: 171





	the sky's the limit

**Author's Note:**

> many a person have begged me for this and it only took ages but i finally finished it. tbh you'll have had to read the actual fic to understand this most likely, unless you just want some eddie angst, then i'm here for you. and yes, the title came from hamilton.
> 
> enjoy!!

Buck’s gone.

He left. 

Things had been going so well, they’d been so _happy_ , so close to one another, just like at Maddie and Chim’s wedding. Every time he feels like maybe, _maybe_ they’re going to tip over the edge into something more, Buck runs away.

Eddie doesn’t know why.

Buck’s words are still ringing in his ears — _You deserve better._ — and he keeps seeing the look on his face every time he closes his eyes. He’d looked… pained, confused, like Eddie had reached into his soul and yanked it out through his chest, leaving nothing but a gaping wound behind.

It doesn’t make sense, none of it makes sense; why Buck keeps running, why he won’t talk to him. Eddie’s tried, he _really_ has, when normally… he wouldn’t. He has Christopher to think about, that’s always been what comes first for Eddie. Not himself, not anybody else: Christopher.

The fact of the matter is, Buck had done the same thing the very first time they’d met; and Eddie had fucking fallen for it hook, line, and sinker. How could he not, when Buck had been so kind and patient? Every time they came in, he’d look like a damn puppy who just saw the biggest bone — pleased and happy, _eager_ to find out what had brought them by.

So, it’s not that Eddie’s worried that Buck won’t vibe with Christopher, that he won’t fit in that way, because he already has. He’s already become such an important part of their lives before Eddie had even properly realized it, from the very first time Buck had laid eyes on his son.

No, it’s that he doesn’t understand why Buck keeps running from him.

Is he pushing too much on him too quickly? Introducing him to a piece of his family, his _life_ , when they haven’t even talked about this shit before? God, Eddie’s really going about it all wrong, and he usually wouldn’t, he would never, he just…

He can’t fucking help it.

Buck is so kind and open and he keeps _looking_ at Eddie in this manner that makes his stomach churn in the best, worst kind of way. Even when they were apart, Eddie found he was happier when he had his phone in his hand, Buck’s name pulled up with that little fucking flower emoji right next to it, chatting away about everything and nothing. 

It shouldn’t have ever been as easy as it was, Eddie should’ve realized far sooner what he’d been getting himself into. But, by the time he’d put it all together, he’d solidified it with a hug and a hand resting on Buck’s shoulder, a promise to him that they’d see him whenever they could.

He hadn’t really realized then that he wanted it to be _always_ , not until Buck suddenly didn’t have as much time for them.

And now, god… Eddie really thought they’d fixed it, that whatever had made Buck so skittish was gone. They’d ate dinner, watched a movie, Buck had been so sweet and kind and _gentle_ with Christopher, and he knew that it was this: this was what he’d been looking for. _Buck_ was exactly what he’d been searching for. 

But, now he’s gone.

_And Eddie doesn’t know why_.

So, he’s panicking, maybe a little, because Buck had left in such a hurry, wide-eyed and wild, and Eddie… well, he has to make sure he’s okay.

He ignores the missed call on his screen in favor of calling Buck instead, phone pressed against his ear as it rings and rings and _rings_ , the only other sound being Eddie’s feet pacing across his living room floor. 

“Come on, Buck,” he murmurs, heaving a sigh when it goes to voicemail, only to hang up and dial one more time.

Of course, he gets sent to voicemail again, his teeth digging into his bottom lip as he listens to Buck’s voice explain what to do after the beep.

“Buck, just please let me know you made it home okay?” He says, sighing, follows it with: “It’s late and I’m worried…”

Everything else he wants to say, everything he’s been holding back from Buck for _weeks_ is on the tip of his tongue, but this isn’t how he wants to do it. He wants to tell Buck, he _does_ , and maybe he should’ve done that first. 

When he doesn’t hear anything from Buck, he tries texting him, knowing from experience that it never takes long for Buck to answer a text. Even if he’s still driving, Eddie knows for a fact Buck has sat in his car after parking outside his building to text Eddie for ages. 

_Buck, please call me._

He has to explain, has to tell Buck that what he’d said wasn’t true. _You deserve better_ … What could possibly be better than what they have?

Eddie follows his text with a few more — _Just let me know you’re alright._ and _I’m worried._ — before he starts pacing again, flipping his phone around in his hands as he waits for something, _anything_ from Buck.

But still, nothing comes.

Eddie’s going to go crazy waiting.

But, maybe… well, perhaps the reason Buck thought Eddie _deserved better_ was because he didn’t feel the same way Eddie felt about him? His teeth dig into his bottom lip as he mulls it over, still pacing across the floor, his hand coming up to shove through his hair as his mind races.

Has he been too much? Has he _pushed_ too much on Buck?

_I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable._ Eddie sends next, still worrying his lip between his teeth. Fuck, what if he’s just gone and ruined everything? Sure, he’s got feelings for Buck, but he could put those aside, he _should’ve_ put them aside for Christopher’s sake. 

Instead, he’d gone and tried to kiss Buck and fucking scared him right out the door in the process. Still, Eddie’s hopeful that he hasn’t managed to scare him out of their lives. The same thing had happened back at Maddie and Chim’s wedding and Buck had still stuck around… which makes his eyes widen as he quickly lifts his phone up again.

Maybe Maddie’s heard from him.

He knows how close Buck is to his sister, how they’re practically all each other had growing up, so if he’s freaking out about something… maybe he’d have called her?

Eddie doesn’t even realize the late hour until he’s got the phone pressed against his ear, Chim yawning around his words as he answers, “This’d better be good, Eduardo.”

“That’s not my name,” Eddie says, out of habit, before he’s launching right into it, pleasantries be damned, “hey, have either of you heard from Buck tonight?”

“Uh, why would we have?” Chimney answers, sounding confused, “you two are the one’s living in each other’s pockets.”

“I just,” Eddie heaves a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose as he starts pacing again. Had he even stopped? He can’t remember.

“I invited Buck over tonight and things happened—“ Eddie is cut off as Chimney whistles lowly, Eddie beating him to the punch with his answer, “not like that. I mean… I _wish_ it’d been like that, but…”

“Alright, can you slow down a second?” Chimney interrupts and there’s shuffling on the other end of the line, his friend likely sitting up in bed. “What happened, man? You sound seriously spooked.”

“I almost kissed him,” Eddie murmurs, falling down onto his couch, elbows resting on his knees as he sighs.

“Almost?” Chimney echoes.

“Yeah, almost… But then my phone rang and all of a sudden he looked like a deer caught in headlights and he took off. Chim, he literally ran out of my house,” Eddie sighs, and it’s just… his team has certainly been teasing him relentlessly over his crush on Buck — that he’s not so sure is _just a crush_ — but he knows, when it all comes down to it, that they’ve got his back. Even if Chim is literally _married_ to Buck’s goddamn sister, he’ll be there for Eddie. They’d all do anything for each other.

“And you haven’t heard from him since?” Chim guesses, Eddie making a confirming noise in response. 

“I just want to be sure he got home okay,” Eddie sighs, “so if you could have Maddie try, then let me know? But don’t… don’t tell her what happened between us. Just… that it’s late and I wanna be sure he’s okay.” 

“Alright,” Chimney answers, making Eddie frown as he continues, “but can I offer some advice?”

“I’ll take anything at this point,” Eddie sighs, leaning against the back of the couch.

“Actions can speak louder than words, my friend. If he’s not willing to chat right now, I’m just saying… You know where he’ll be, I’m sure you’ll figure something out,” Chimney answers, which really doesn’t help Eddie’s predicament _at all_. 

“Yeah, alright,” Eddie heaves another sigh, laughing humorlessly, “I’ll give it a try. Night, Chim.”

“Night, Eduardo,” he answers, mirth in his tone, making Eddie’s next chuckle genuine.

“Not my name,” Eddie says again before hanging up, not surprised to see there’s still nothing from Buck. 

Again, he sends a text, figuring it’s better than trying to call, to have to hear his voice rant about leaving a message while knowing Buck may not want anything to do with him right now: _Please tell me you’re safe._ That’s what he cares about most of all, more than anything. 

Maybe he should’ve let Buck go home after all, he’d looked so _tired_ , but Eddie had been selfish. He’d missed Buck, _Christopher_ had missed Buck and he just… well, he _wanted_. 

He’s spent so much of his life giving up on what he wants, ignoring it, shoving it aside in favor of doing what’s _right_ and what’s expected of him. But, with Buck… there’s no pretending it doesn’t feel exactly like the _home_ he’s been searching for.

Someone to feel right with, someone who understands him with a simple look. Someone who fits in with his family, who doesn’t expect things that Eddie can’t give. Buck’s always been there, had weaseled his way so quickly into Eddie’s life that it’s hard to remember how things had been before he’d come around.

Empty.

Lonely.

He feels both of those things now, thinking about how Buck could possibly not be coming back; that he might’ve scared him away, all because he’d given into those selfish feelings for _once_. Fuck, he could’ve ruined it all, and for what?

But, he wants it, _god_ does he want it. He wants more of what he’d felt when Buck had been over, more nights spent together in his house. He couldn’t possibly have been the only one to feel something, not given how close Buck had willingly gotten to him.

He can’t stop thinking about it, about how he’d looked at Christopher’s side, reading to him, like he _belonged_. He’d fit so well into their home…

But, now he’s gone.

And it’s all Eddie’s fault.

He has to find a way to fix it, and he will, when it’s not nearing well past three in the morning, Eddie laying on the couch as his mind races away from him. He’ll find a way to make it all better, to find out if he’s overstepping, if there’s something he’s missing.

He’s going to make things right; he’s going to do things _right_. He didn’t do things right with Shannon the first time around and he never got the chance to fix it, to make it better.

He has the chance to fix it now, though, with Buck, and he will.

He falls asleep with his phone on his chest, still lit up with his last text to Buck, likely to go unseen.

_I’m sorry._

———————————————

He’s been awake for hours already, gotten Christopher dressed and carted off to school, has drifted in and out of restless sleep when his answer from Buck finally comes.

_meet me at the shop in 1 hour i’ll explain._

Eddie thinks again of what Chim had said – actions speak louder than words – and he’s flying out of bed, thumbs dancing across his phone. He knows just what he needs to do.

_I’ll be there._

**Author's Note:**

> maybe someday i'll do it all from eddie's pov... if there's mistakes that's on me, i was too hype to post.
> 
> as always, i'm on tumblr @ eddiedeaz !!


End file.
